Over the coming weeks we would like to share with the church family experiences and reflections from those in lockdown. As the restrictions begin to lift we will continue to share stories of the things that people are facing, and how it has both enriched and challenged their faith.
It is important for us remember that we are all experiencing this time differently. For all of us there will be good days and there will be bad days. It’s important that we ‘check in’ with one another, and keep talking.
Today’s set of stories are specifically from people who live by themselves.
Kate’s Story (retired)
The lockdown started a week early for me. I’d just come back from an international Christian medical education conference, and waved goodbye to my two Finnish friends, both nurses who’d been at the conference and stayed on for a couple of days with me. The next night I woke at 2am with a temperature, a cough and was feeling really rough. I diagnosed Covid 19. I’d clearly caught it at the conference because over the next couple of days 18 of the 70 delegates reported in with symptoms, including my two Finnish nursing friends. Although there was no testing for UK doctors and nurses, all the delegates who developed symptoms on their return to Europe and the USA tested positive for Covid 19.
So what’s having Covid 19 like when you live on your own? I’ll not go into the nitty gritty but suffice to say it was not easy. Thankfully my symptoms turned out to relatively mild, in that I didn’t need to go into hospital but they lasted three weeks. During that time I struggled to do the simplest of things. For the best part of a week I lay in bed watching feel good movies and never seeing the end because I kept falling asleep. Loosing my sense of smell and taste meant that it didn’t matter too much that I wasn’t up to doing the washing.
But what about my faith during this time? If I’m honest I found it hard to pray at first. As well as my physical symptoms I felt I was on an emotional roller coaster as I struggled with the news about the devastation the virus was causing in Italy and Spain and other people’s fears. However listening to some of my favourite Christian music that reminded me of God’s faithfulness, His love, care and compassion really strengthened me. I was also encouraged by other peoples’ prayers – especially friends who prayed over me during a phone call, and by the Wholeness team who made contact and prayed faithfully for me through the worst of my illness.
Looking back now I can see God’s hand so clearly at work watching over me, and looking after me. By way of example, the Lord provided medical oversight. My neighbour who’s a doctor insisted that I text her first thing each morning so that she could check that I was OK. Then later in the morning I made a WhatsApp call to my Finnish friend Marike who had Covid 19 post-conference, to check how she was. Marike was being monitored daily by public health and infectious diseases doctors in Helsinki who telephoned her each afternoon to assess how she was doing. I was able to feed in my questions and later that afternoon Marike would WhatsApp the answers and we’d pray together. This was particularly reassuring as at the time there was very little UK based information available about the progress of the disease.
The Lord also provided for my physical needs. We’re all familiar with how the Lord provided manna for the Israelites in the wilderness and how they became fed up of eating the same food everyday. In contrast I was really blessed by church family who brought meals round each day: nourishing home made soups, bread and cakes for lunch, and delicious evening meals when I hadn’t got the strength to cook myself. It was amazing that each day friends from church contacted me spontaneously to bring food – there was always enough and never too much.
As I started on the road to recovery, it’s been much easier to pray and read the Bible regularly. I’ve felt able to spend time each morning enjoying the Church of England Lent and Easter reflections and more recently our daily church reflections. I acquired the full set of recordings of David Suchet reading the Bible and I’m listening to a few chapters each day. His reading really brings the Bible alive. Listening to Christian music has also been uplifting. It’s also been a real joy to engage with Echo and Home Group meetings and Community Bible Study via Zoom. Sunday morning church services have given a real sense of worshipping together as church family, although I will find it hard when church services resume and I can’t start the service with a cappuccino.
I am a keen gardener and feel really blessed to enjoy God’s amazing creation as Spring bursts forth. As soon as I felt well enough I planted lots of vegetable seeds and I am looking forward to planting the seedlings out soon. I’ve great plans for some major work in the garden but that will have to wait until I am fully recovered – two months after symptoms started I’m still not back to my former level of fitness. Bike rides through the Peak District are a distant memory and a future dream.
As I look back over the past two months I’ve been struck by how helpful our verse for the year has been ‘For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from Him; He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress: I shall not be shaken. (Psalm 62:5-6). During the most difficult days of my illness and what has seemed like a slow recovery, God’s promises have stood firm, He has poured out His love for me, and my faith has not been shaken.
Julia’s story (retired)
The most challenging aspect is definitely so little of the face to face personal contact which is normally such an important part of our lives. I’d never heard of Zoom before “lock down” and I shall certainly be “Zoomed out” by the end of it! Yes modern technology is a blessing when it works and for those of us with access to it, it is providing an invaluable means of working and staying in touch with family or friends but I struggle to fully embrace it. When you press the “leave the meeting” button, the silence that reigns in my study is eerie and I miss that so important informal reflection on the meeting or event with colleagues or friends. As someone who didn’t use social media before “lock down”, I shall be glad to “cast it aside” and go back to being able to meet in person. A real hug is so much better than a virtual one. The simple pleasure of coffee and cake with a friend in a café. A coffee not made by me!
Like other difficult times in my life, I find my faith grows stronger. Like everyone I’m having low moments and am frustrated by the inability to plan ahead, but I continue to be massively re-assured by God’s presence and love. I was doing some research for a small group study the other week and the verse that particularly resonated was Philippians 4: v7. NRSV says “And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” I was actually reading the Message translation which somehow spoke more meaningfully to me at this time. “It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life.”
As someone who is used to having a full diary and a structure to my week, an empty diary in “lock down” is not going to work and so I’ve been careful to schedule things in for every day, even if some are very mundane! I’ve drawn up a spreadsheet with all the various family and friends I am normally in contact with and am tracking when I make contact and scheduling in lots of phone calls etc. It’s amazing how time can go by without realising that I haven’t been in contact, if I don’t!
I find it useful to be happy to strike up conversation with strangers when standing in the shopping queue or on my walks. The kindness of strangers has become more important. I’m thankful to those who do engage rather than look fixedly at their phones when waiting with a trolley to go into the supermarket and I’ll always be grateful to a lady (I don’t know her name) but her dog is called Henry, who stopped for a chat in the park (at a suitable distance) and rightly sensing that I was in need of a chat, told me all about how his training as a guide dog for the blind was being interrupted by the social distancing restrictions.
It’s been my birthday during lock down and I felt particularly blessed by the gifts that have helped keep hobbies going like a new jigsaw and pot of plants for the garden.
Anonymous Story (retired)
My experience of life on my own during lockdown has been fine so far. I think it helps that I have been on my own for a long time and I’m quite happy with my own company. Obviously I am missing seeing family and friends, but at least technology helps us keep in contact. Pilates continues on ‘Zoom’ as does my book group.
I know that life would be so much bleaker without my faith and the support of the church family. Echo and Small Groups continue online and there is much laughter in them as well as the sharing of God’s word. We meet more regularly than usual, and I am appreciating the extra bible study I am doing as a result of this.
I recognise that I am fortunate that none of my loved ones have had this dreadful disease. It only takes a moment for things to change. I know that should this happen the church family will be there to support me in prayers and love.
Rachel’s story (works full time)
I absolutely love living on my own, and I’m extremely blessed to have been able to buy a place for myself. It’s my sanctuary. My job is hectic and usually I will see and talk to many people, and do many varied tasks. Coming home to a space that I can control, that is quiet and relaxing is wonderful.
Lock down for me interrupted so many of the things that I have come to realise keep me mentally well. Not being able to leave my home, or see others is hard, as it is for everyone, but for me I found the strain of working and living in the same room awful. My mood was affected, I found it more difficult to ‘switch off’ and I got frustrated often. I had a terrible weekend a few weeks ago where I could barely get out of bed, I just felt so down.
I’m now working back in the office, in a safe and controlled environment which allows me to keep myself well both physically and mentally. When you live by yourself you don’t always have someone that you can talk to about how you are feeling, or someone who will pick up on your change of mood. It’s important to trust yourself and ‘check in’ on yourself often. I’ve also had to be kinder to myself, and accept that if I don’t get everything done that I’d like to, then as long as I’ve done what I can, that is all I can do. This counts not just for work, but also for home life. I certainly don’t think that my flat is tidier than usual, lock down has not inspired me to do more cleaning!
In terms of church, I really struggle to engage online. I think for me it’s about human contact. Worshipping together, having a laugh, feeling a part of something, it’s so much harder to do that when you are staring at a screen. My prayer life has remained important to me. I see God’s work in every good new story on the telly, every Thursday when I clap for those incredible key workers and the kindness that people have shown me. When you’re on your own, having a small meal delivered (or a brownie from a friend walking by) might sounds insignificant but it has the most amazing effect on your mood. My one request would be to remind church people that when they suggest you might like to ‘gather with your household’, it doesn’t take me very long. ‘Gather’, what an interesting concept that has become.